start

Eglė: Actually, I didn’t know you before coming to Copenhagen. And when my friend suggested to writing you, it was something risky. I kind of felt that this is the sixth sense that is leading me somewhere. But the goal was always the same – to get some education in a practical way. I don’t know how it looked for you…

Antoinette: I mean, very profound. You didn’t just write a few words, you wrote the proper email, where it came through that you looked into my work and made an effort to check out what I’m doing, and what I’m interested in. And, you wrote at the perfect moment – I was exactly looking for an intern. That was amazing.

Eglė: So, what is the process, the creative one? For me, writing this letter to you was already the start of the process, but for you, the start was probably something different.

Antoinette: The process started a long time ago. It’s even difficult to understand, when. Because, in a way, you could take a finding of the idea into consideration. I think it was the first round of residency with Daniel (AN: performer) in 2018.

Eglė: But before that residency, it was thinking, impulses. I’m thinking from my perspective, because I’m usually carrying things around, carrying, carrying, collecting, and then at some point it goes out or evolves into something.

Antoinette: Same here. I’m actually in one of those phases right now – I’m starting to carry the next creation, it’s tickling me a bit. I’ve started the process now of getting curious, images are coming and curiosities – I wonder why, I wonder what. What could be interesting to check out? Also getting curious about works that have been busy with that, references, books, and other artworks.

Eglė: Sometimes I see small images of the piece that I’m going to do. The piece is not there yet, but that image contains everything – a scenography, something moving inside, etc. and then it goes away. Probably it is also a process.

Antoinette: Yes, it’s similar for me. Like flavors or something that goes into some direction, setting the tone. And the thing I’m about to create might be very far from that, actually, but it’s nice to have those elements, to explore what they actually are, to see where they gonna lead and what they will awaken. Specifically with the process in regards to the laughter works, it has been a little bit special because so many works had already evolved around that theme: there’s the solo, the film, there’s the 12 hours walk, and there’s a 3-hour site-specific performance.

Talking the process

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Eglė: So, it’s like research in all the ways. I’m also very curious to talk about the patterns of working or the process of working. Because I’m in a place where I’m thinking – how much longer I will have to carry it with me? And when do I have to give birth to it? Because, there are no rules but there is a reality – all the applications, all the residencies, etc. How do you feel about the timing of a process? Can it be natural?

Antoinette: I think it depends on how you want to produce, but, for instance, my solo THE LAUGHING GAME was never funded. Nobody ever funded it, so it was all completely in my hands. So, I could decide everything.

Eglė: Freedom, in a way.

Antoinette: Freedom. It was difficult, but I could tell myself how many weeks I could work on it or how long my process should be. It felt that this piece is really mine. So it was nice to feel the freedom to redo it as many times as I wish and change it – no obligations. I don’t feel the same way about the group piece THE LAUGHING CROWD. Just to say, it’s a matter of choice sometimes – how long you want to carry something and when it’s really time to say – I don’t want to wait, it’s now.

Eglė: I’m thinking that it’s also very risky to carry it for a long time without action. Because you could do like 3 works in the time you’re carrying it, for example.

Antoinette: And the interest might get cold. Like, it’s not warm, or just cooked anymore, it’s like cold coffee. Well, some like cold coffee...

Eglė: Yes, true. There are many tastes in practices or ways of working, I guess.

Antoinette: But what I enjoy about the process is actually to be a little bit with it, but then also to leave it for a while and to get back to it. I really enjoy having those breaks and they are, actually, necessary for me.

Eglė: By leaving you mean not even thinking about it or leaving the action?

Antoinette: Leaving the process, let it be for a while and to do something very different. Like when you really need to take it up freshly again.

Eglė: I think it’s the same with all the intense work or things in life – the breaks are necessary.

Antoinette: Yes, to let it ripen. Other things are happening in the meantime and so it’s clearer to see. I would say that the active parts and the inactive parts of the process are equally important to me.

Eglė: I agree. It happened to me quite often when I had to do some creative work and I had a block. I would just leave it and go for a bike ride or something and exactly then the ideas would come to me. It’s just really hard sometimes to let go, I think. Because the time is ticking.

Antoinette: But in a way it’s very similar to the performing also and actually also to the way we are performing in THE LAUGHING CROWD. This kind of feeling – when you push it and when you actually lean back and go more into the mode of receiving. That interplay is kind of nice, if it’s possible to make space and time for that in the process.

Eglė: Depends, of course, how you look at it – it could be tense too. In our process, I was really working with myself to embody that leaning back is a positive thing. I’m also curious about the doubting in the process. You have an idea, you’ve researched it and you sort of have the view, but when it comes to making decisions, it becomes torture. But from this experience while creating THE LAUGHING CROWD, I’ve got the clear impulse that it’s so important to doubt.

Antoinette: Yes. Or, I don’t know if it’s important, but it’s something that is very present for me.

Eglė: But how big is the doubt? Maybe that’s the question. Or how big you can let it grow?

Antoinette: It changes all the time. It can change from one day to another. The thing that I was so certain about the day before can seem very like… really? And sometimes things seem very very clear and those could also be very much in doubt at a much later point. I don’t know if it’s doubting, maybe questioning is the more suitable word. The questioning – what could be the other ways, what do I really think about my choices?

Eglė: I’m asking because this is really close to my home. Also, this is the same thing that is happening in life. I have moments that are so clear for me what I have to choose, like for example going to Copenhagen – it was clear, actually. And there are so many moments, where I really don’t know what to do and doubting everything, totally everything. So I think it’s the same with the process I work in. I guess, it’s a bit related to the personality too?

Antoinette: Yes. Though I think it might be common to all of us creators – we might be doubting at some point. I’m more like a daily base doubter.

Eglė: Like practicing doubting. Me too, I’m actually living the doubt.

Antoinette: But there is quality in it, no?

Eglė: Yes yes, I agree, it gives a lot of colours.